I recently had the pleasure of speaking with poet and author Xiao Yan, Yan has just released a book of Poetry titled Café after Dawn. The book was inspired by Yan’s state of being a few years ago after she brought her mother to New York for cancer treatment. Throughout her mother’s illness and the relationship they had, Yan felt the most direct way of expressing this was through poetry because it wasn’t easy to tell anyone.
People often don’t know how to express their love for the people closest to them; neither did she. This collection is a tool Yan used to reminisce about her mom and sort through her own thoughts. Yan hopes that during a time when there’s a loss of life and death, readers will be able to relate and find hope.
This book has themes that are very similar to the themes associated with the Covid-19’s pandemic, including isolation, helplessness, frustration, will to live, and guilt. The consistent theme throughout this collection is the struggle between light and darkness. And after that, whether you’re reborn or return to your comfort zone, there’s always hope.
I greatly enjoyed this interview and I hope that you enjoy “Listening in” to our conversation!
Can you tell me a little bit about what made you want to pick up a pen and write poetry?
My grandfather was the main reason that I started reading and writing poetry when I was little. He used to be a professor in Classical Chinese literature and taught me to read and write classical poetry. He had a lot of unhappiness and frustration throughout his life, going through cultural revolution and sort, but writing poetry had helped him become bright and strong. Whenever he talked about poetry, I felt like he was glowing. Even today, at age of 90, he still reads and writes poetry every day at home. He guided me into the world of poetry and I decided to take this long journey. Since my parents got divorced when I was little, I felt a strong need for self-expression and healing. Poetry is like my best friend helping me go through each step of my life. It calms me down, helps me to see things better, encourages me to face all kinds of challenges in life.
Is there a particular style of poetry you most enjoy writing in?
I do like a particular style of poetry. Free verse and abstract. I don’t think there is an accurate term for that style. It could be romantic, nostalgic, realistic and free. It allows free word choice to express a variety of human emotions and discover about myself and this world. But I’m also open to all kinds of styles.
How has your writing as a poet developed over time?
In the beginning, under my grandfather’s influence, I felt that classical poetry was the proper style to go with. When I really started writing poetry in third or fourth grade, I realized that it was wrong to think the modern style was less valuable. Later on, when I was exposed to more Western literature in junior high, such as Marcel Prust and Jorge Luis Borges’s, I discovered that abstract forms could truly reflect our modern life. So, I began to explore how to apply a combination of classical and modernist styles to my own poems.
I published my first Chinese poetry collection when I was a senior in high school. My writing style in that book was still more Chinese classical. After I came to the US for college, I started exploring more possibilities in my creative writing. However, I did not choose literature as my major since I was not confident enough in English writing. Instead, I majored in history at UC Davis. I mainly focused on WWII and the Cold War, and I loved it. I would say history studies give me lots of inspiration in terms of poetry writing; it also deepened my thinking in a philosophical way. Overall, it all works out.
Has being a minority in American influenced your writing?
Of course it does. Being a minority in American reshapes my self-identity. Back in China, as a Han ethnic, I was actually the majority. It is interesting to see how a person’s identity can be completely opposite depending on the contexts. This realization leads me to look at everything from different angles, which I reflect on a lot in my poetry. As a minority writer in the US, I often feel vulnerbale. However, being vulnerable does not mean being weak, when you’re vulnerable, you open yourself up to greater possibilities. Many of my poetry deals with identity, including gender, race, social status, and whatever category that defines one, and I discussed how identity is a fluid concept so that one should not be constrained by identity. In this sense, being a minority empowers me and my writings.
What were some of the struggles you experienced on your journey to being published?
It was a long journey before my poetry was published. First of all, I feel poetry is not valued as much; it is difficult to have my friends understand me or support me on this journey. Whether they are true friends is another question. Anyhow, my grandpa was the only one encouraging me to keep writing, but he is not here in the US. I often have self-doubt like does my poetry worth reading or worth publishing? So before I decided to reach out to publishers, it was a long-time struggle, a struggle with my self-doubt and the people around me. When I decided to reach out to publishers, many turned me down because it is hard to predict the market value. “Poetry does not sell” was a common thought. When one publishing house finally said yes, I was in tears, but here comes the covid. Everything slowed down. I planned a few poetry reading events that were all canceled.
It was mentioned that this collection is about the struggle between light and darkness, do you think this theme is even more relevant now in the time of COVID?
I do think that this theme is even more relevant now in the time of COVID. I wrote this book as part of a self-healing process. It has themes that are very similar to the themes associated with the Covid-19’s pandemic, including isolation, helplessness, frustration, will to live, and guilt. I was in such a state back then and had slowly recovered, but this year it feels like the whole world is in such a state. The message I want to send is that there is always hope. The consistent theme throughout this collection is the struggle between light and darkness. And after that, whether you’re reborn or return to your comfort zone, there’s always hope. The second message is never to give up and keep fighting. You can be vulnerable, but you need to figure out what supports your core so you can find yourself back and keep fighting.
What made you choose the format of this collection? I particularly liked the use of days and weather as a part of the writing.
I wrote poetry in a weekly journal. There is always a certain point of the day when I feel something to write. I would sit down quietly and start writing. This poetry collection includes my selected poems in the weekly journal from 2016 till 2019. Every day has a different mood in different weather. So I decided to choose the format of a journal for this collection. It also has a storyline showing my life in the past three years.
Poets often create incredibly meaningful work that comes from a place of pain and difficulty, what is your opinion on beauty coming from sorrow?
I might be pessimistic, but I feel that sorrow is at the core of humans. Humans are lonely in this universe; we try to find out why we exist and whether they are aliens, whether aliens are our friends or foes. Throughout human history, we were always in pain because of war, hunger, loss of our love, and unavoidable death. However, humans are still trying to create amazing things. Our existence is both tragic and beautiful. We overcome pain and challenge again and again before we die. I think that is why people can be moved by the beauty coming from sorrow. It is real, represents hope, shows our significance, gives a deep meaning about our lives. I think what poets do is to turn the beauty of sorrow into words so that everyone can make a connection.
Do you plan on releasing more poetry collections?
Yes, I still write poetry every other day or so. When I accumulate enough poems that I think worth publishing, I will put them together and make another collection, I hope. Also, a new collection of my Chinese poetry is going to be published at the end of December this year. It was supposed to be published in June but got delayed because of the covid. The publishing House is located in Wuhan, my hometown.
Any words of advice for poets who are just starting out?
Thank you for this question. It makes me feel like I’m an established poet. Just Kidding. I would like to say that “keep writing”, of course, if you truly love poetry, there is no way you can give up, but there are many challenges in life distracting you from writing, and you might feel frustrated about people not valuing your poems. Even though you might not be a “genius”, your words are valuable too. That’s what I realized these years. When you’re a young poet, you might feel that you are the “chosen” one; it’s understandable. It takes some craziness to become a poet. There are always “heroic dreams” living inside of a poet. Whether “Chosen” or not, be sincere with your words. Writing poetry is not about how many people like your work; it is about if your heart and soul like your work. Keep writing and always remember why you wrote them in the first place.
I truly hope you enjoyed this interview, its always very enlightening to see what has inspired a writer to pick up pen and paper and create! I would highly encourage you to pick up a copy of Xiao Yan’s book Cafe after Dawn here!