Roger Ebert used to say that the First Law of Funny Names is that “Funny Names, in general, are a sign of desperation at the screenplay level.” “The Hitman” franchise is a sure sign of that- more wit has been put into the titles of these movies than the films themselves.
The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard again features Ryan Reynold’s Bryce, who now finds himself vacationing because he’s lost his bodyguard license, only to be caught back up in the relationship drama of hitman Darius Kincaid (Samuel L. Jackson) and his wife Sonia (Salma Hayek).
There could be something funny in this. Reynolds is a very good straight man- here a sensitive, gentle pacifist caught between Jackson and Hayek, who are two of the better vulgarians Hollywood has to offer. Hayek is particularly good in the early-going, talking a mile a minute about not being able to have a kid cause her pussy is too tight; she’s hilarious, and not to mention crazy and lethal all at once.
But the cast is soon squandered in a movie that has been put through the derivative plot 101 simulator. The CIA needs to stop Antonio Banderas (miscast as a Greek terrorist then given nothing to do) from conducting a cyber-attack and these three are needed to help because…the sequel would not exist otherwise. This movie becomes about nothing more than lazy twists, car chases, and bullets. The humor accomplishes very little rather than rehashing barely funny gags from the first film and the three stars can only comically shout in each other’s directions for laughs.
Frank Grillo, as part of the CIA, appears and then disappears just as quickly and only Morgan Freeman manages a bit of funny in a nice cameo. Worst of all is the action has no rhyme or reason- it’s careening and sloppy-almost like a child playing with toy cars. That it also goes for broad gags like Reynolds getting hit by cars, flying up in the air, only to be ok like in Looney Tunes, also makes you wonder who this movie is aimed at. That should be another law of comedy in general: if you start to make your R-rated adult comedy into a cartoon, maybe it’s just time to call it quits.
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